all goes wrong

it is the day where i shall introduce my fren to my agent....25th April @ Pak Li...

datin ida was there 1st as i miss her at our plant... so i give her a pick up and we went together...
she starts right after we ordered our drinks.. everything seems okay until i saw a guy with a white shirt walking beside me...on his way to toilet...looks familiar...

this guy...really annoying me...yeah, he's good...timbalan pendaftar @ age 26...but do u think u r good enough?? lu pikir la sendiri..... huh

then the drama starts... i just thinking to share my story with her by this weekends...but what a small world...things moving very fast....i failed...

last nite...all sms goes wrong...it was not the same as usuall....as i thank God...i think i had this bad feeling since before friday prayer...sy bgtau kak rahah yg sy berdebar...n sumhow i think i want to let her know right after our meeting session finished...

tapi tu la...Allah Maha Besar...Dia nak tunjuk kat gua yg selalu lupa kat dia...gua kekadang terlepas ckp if i lost her...mean i lost her...forever... now...my pray comes true..i can feel it...i've drop it somehow... if she ask me bout my story...i should shame to myself...as a guy...

sy mmg byk buat salah before....tapi i do feel like its time for me utk tebus tu semua... i know i can change...but i need time... tapi apa yg dah jadi..gua takleh tarik balik... tu la...gua selalu pikir yg -ve...skang dah jadik...bila gua kata kat diri sendiri yg gua akan 'hilang' dia...buat gua jadi lagi tak senang... tapi tu la...bila gua pikir2 balik...belek diri gua sendiri...gua sedar sapa gua...

so...gua decide yg gua sanggup terima apa yg jadi... gua tau gua tak layak untuk dia... tapi gua nak cuba...nak cuba jaga dia kalau gua ada peluang... gua penah ckp kat dia gua penipu..its not penipu sebenarnya...just dia tak tanya...gua tak citer la...

if skang ni dia ada depan gua...gua nak je ckp...gua nak serius ngan dia.... gua ikhlas...gua tak memain... if dia nak reject gua...takpe..gua terima...tapi gua nak cuba... gua tau dia buat2 tak nampak....tapi gua nak tau apa dia rasa....

gua terasa bila dia pernah sms gua..."please, dont waste your time on me..."... gua tau dia takkan terima gua...tapi if dia bagi gua masa...gua nak tunjuk kat dia yg gua serius... but i think i dont have that chance anymore... :o( sian kat gua...(actually padan muka gua)